


Reported Missing

by emma_anna_elisabeth



Category: Pearl Harbor (2001)
Genre: Angst, Danny's given up, F/M, M/M, Poor Danny, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:40:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25893034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emma_anna_elisabeth/pseuds/emma_anna_elisabeth
Summary: It's the worst day of Danny's life.He receives the news of Rafe’s death and doesn’t know how to go on.He barely does.
Relationships: Evelyn Johnson/Danny Walker, Evelyn Johnson/Rafe McCawley, Rafe McCawley/Danny Walker
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

Red shouted something across the room, almost unhearable because of his stammer. He was standing in the hallway of the barack holding the phone in his hand. “Danny”, he repeated. “There’s- there’s a call for you.” Danny looked up from the letter he was writing, his brown warm eyes immediately focused on the man holding the phone.  
“Just gimme a minute”, he answered, writing down the last sentence, on the slightly wrinkled paper. 

“Danny!” Red shouted again, a bit more eager this time, without the stammer. “It’s an old lady asking for you. She really wants to talk to you.” Danny frowned when Red’s words reached him, huffed as his lips curved into a confused smile.  
The young pilot stood up and hid the letter quickly under the envelope before walking towards Red. They exchanged looks, but neither of them said anything. But there was something in Red’s eyes that made Danny’s smile disappear. He swallowed thickly and took the phone from Red’s hand. Suddenly, he didn’t know if he wanted to take this call or not, and he wished that he had the courage to just hang up. Something felt wrong and his heart suddenly started aching with worry. But of course he didn’t hang up, of course he answered. 

“Danny Walker”, he said, voice bearing and strong as always, but not really too convincing.  
“Danny!” The worry inside him immediately disappeared when he heard the familiar voice. It had been so long since he’d talked to her.  
“Mrs McCawley”, he said. A small smile formed on his lips, and he just couldn’t help but feel a warmth spread in his body. He remembered how Rafe’s mother had taken care of him when he didn’t dare to be with his father. Her warm eyes and kind voice. Never ever threatening or violent, just loving. He would always owe her for that. He didn’t even want to think about how he would’ve turned out without her and Rafe.

“You know you can call me Helen, Danny”, she said and Danny heard that she smiled too.  
“I know”, he answered and rolled the phone cord between his fingers.  
“I always have to remind you”, she giggled. “Always such a gentleman.”  
Danny smiled and blinked slowly, his dark lashes moving gracefully. She always told him that, and maybe it was true. It probably was, because Helen never lied. He was glad that she’d taken the time to call, but he just couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. Really wrong. Worry started to ache in his chest again and his thoughts were soon racing.  
Why was she calling him? She wouldn’t call unless she had something important to say. But what? The thought that he’d been trying so hard to avoid for so long, popped up in his head once more. Rafe.

“How are you doing, Danny?” Helen woke him up, dragged him away from his thoughts.  
“I’m… uh. I’m doing just fine. Beautiful here, wish you could see it”, he answered and smiled. He really wished that she could see it, it really was wonderful. “But… well…” he paused and sighed. “Miss Rafe a lot, that’s all.”

Suddenly, a small sob was heard through the phone. Danny almost didn’t hear it, and he wished later on that he hadn’t. He froze and frowned, gripping the phone more tightly. Wait… Wait, no. Something inside of him broke and a fear he had never felt before spread inside his chest. A fear far worse than the one he had experienced when his father had… well, let’s just say far worse. But, it couldn’t be, could it? Danny didn’t want to know if he was right. It felt like he was waking up from a dream he didn’t want to leave; as soon as he’d started waking up he couldn’t go back. When he’d heard Helen sob, he couldn’t just hang up. As the gentleman he was, he had to ask.

“What is it, Helen? Are you alright?” Another sob answered him. God, no. Please no. Danny took a deep breath and tried to keep his calm. The blood in his veins felt like it was freezing and boiling at the same time.  
“Helen?” Danny’s voice was tainted with worry, but he managed miraculously to hide his dread. Please don’t tell me that, please don’t tell me that. His blood was definitely freezing. 

“Oh Danny, my Danny”, Helen whispered, clearly upset. Clearly something had happened, and Danny prayed to God that it wasn’t what he dreaded.  
“Has something happened?” he asked. This time he didn’t bother to try sound strong. When he heard his own voice, he thought that he sounded like a child again. Just like when his father had beaten him up and Danny was asked to tell what happened. The memories still made him shiver.  
Helen was silent for a couple of seconds before she answered. “You’ve always been so kind, Danny. Always so caring and putting the needs of others before your own.” She tried to laugh, but Danny heard that she actually cried. The sound almost made Danny cry himself, he hated to hear her cry. 

“How are you holding up, really? Do you have anyone that’s there for you, if you need them I mean.” Helen’s sudden shift of topic caught him off guard.  
“What do you mean?” Danny asked confusedly.  
“I just hope that you’ve got someone to talk to. If you need to.”  
“Why would I need that?” Silence. “Helen? Are you there?”  
“Of course”, she answered.  
“Why would I need that? Someone to talk to?” Danny’s heart was beating faster and faster. He heard another sob and gripped the phone even harder than he already did. Please, no. Don’t say it.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt”, she said. “And please, Danny, don’t go to war.” God. God, NO! Something had happened to Rafe, Danny knew it. Fuck. Fuck! His breathing got faster and he stared wide eyed at the wall in front of him. He had no idea what to do. A thousand thoughts raced through his mind. What had happened? Why? How? Was Rafe okay? Danny couldn’t do anything, he just waited. Waited for Helen to tell him, waited for her to pull the trigger. Danny didn’t know if he actually wanted to know; he didn’t want to face reality if it was one without Rafe. The brown locks fell down in his face when he shook his head in denial, still staring at the wall. Don’t tell me that. God! Don’t tell me that!

Danny swallowed thickly and tried his best to sound calm. “Has something happened to…” He couldn’t finish the sentence. He bowed his head and closed his eyes, a heartbreaking frown forming in his face. Danny was a quiet and thoughtful soul, always the calm and strong one. Now, anyone could see that something was off. Danny’s whole body radiated despair and you could almost taste the anguish in the air. Just by looking at him, you knew. Knew that he wasn’t okay. You knew he was broken. Please, Helen… Not that, not that, not THAT!

Helen was quiet again, and Danny thought that she probably was dwelling on how to say it. Who wouldn’t be? His heart ached when he heard how she struggled with the words. She shouldn’t have to say it, no mother should have to say it. Ever. Danny let out a deep breath that he hadn’t realised he’d been holding, and it sounded more like a sob than an actual breath. He pulled his free hand through his hair and opened his eyes again. The young pilot stared into thin air, eyes glowing with dread. His heart was just a couple of words from shattering. This can’t be happening. This isn’t real. Please, tell me it’s not real. 

“He crashed?” Danny’s voice was barely hearable. The words tasted awfully in his mouth. Crashed… How could he even say that? Rafe never crashed. Rafe always made it, that’s what he did. That’s what Rafe always did. That’s what he was supposed to do…  
“He’s missing”, Helen answered and all hope Danny had left was suddenly put out. Just like a struggling light that someone simply blows out. Helen continued talking about not giving up hope and how Rafe could still be alive, but Danny had stopped listening long ago. His mind revolved around the word missing. Rafe was missing in action. He’d been was shot down. In the sea. Danny knew what that meant. It was just a nicer way of saying that he was dead. Dead. How could he be dead? His Rafe, who’d promised to come back.

Danny felt it as the whole world came crashing down on him, all at once. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Not to Rafe. His heart shattered and he wanted to scream. Danny wanted to scream and blame whoever was responsible for this. He wanted to blame God for what he did, or for what he didn’t do. The pain in his chest radiated through his body and he had to lean against the wall to keep standing. It became so painful that he almost wanted to rip his heart out and throw it away. And not feel anything anymore. Why had he let Rafe go? Why didn’t he stop him? God, Danny blamed himself. 

The tears burned behind his eyelids and he lifted his gaze to look at the ceiling. All to prevent them from falling. But of course he couldn’t do that. Danny couldn’t do anything. Rafe was dead. DEAD. Silent tears streamed down along his cheeks and left small wet stripes on his skin. And to Danny, it seemed like those stripes would never ever go away. Everytime he would look at himself in the mirror, he'd see them. Just like scars from a battle, or tattooes only the bearer could see. 

“Danny?” Helen asked, her voice just as tainted with worry as his had been. Danny barely heard her, and he didn’t bother to answer.  
“Danny!” she shouted, devastated. Suddenly Danny understood; the things she’d said earlier suddenly made sense. Helen had just lost her son, and now she wanted to make sure that she didn’t lose another. He knew that he wasn’t her real son, but she’d always seen him as one. So Danny forced himself to answer, even though the pain of losing Rafe almost wanted him to lay down and die himself. It must be so much easier to be the dying one, huh? Or whatcha say, Rafe? 

“I’m here”, he whispered into the phone, and he wondered if Helen even heard it. “Thank you for calling.”  
“Danny, please don’t hang up. I know that…”  
“I’m sorry, Helen”, Danny interrupted her. “I’ll call you back.”  
“Danny…!”

Danny hung up the phone with shaking hands. He knew he shouldn’t have hung up on her, but he just couldn’t talk to her anymore. He didn’t want her to hear him cry, he wanted her to believe that he was strong. He wanted to be strong for her, but he didn’t know if he could. 

He crashed. He’s missing. He’s dead. Rafe is dead. My brother is dead.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny runs. It's the only thing he knows how to do.

Danny quickly dried his tears with the back of his hand and started to walk towards the front door. He needed air, he needed to get away from this place. Just get out. He took a few steps but then he felt his legs give way. He stumbled into the wall in front of him and slammed his hands on the wallpaper. His mind was still buzzing from the news and it felt like everything was spinning. 

“Danny? You alright?” Red shouted from the living room. “Yeah… Just fine”, Danny lied and leaned against the wall. He thought that his voice sounded just as it always did, but when Red entered the hallway with questioning eyes, he was told otherwise. Red stood a couple of meters away, in the doorway that led to the living room, and looked at him. Eyes clearly showing that he knew something wasn’t right. Danny cleared his throat and straightened his posture. Except from his red eyes and unsteady gaze, no one would ever have realised that something was wrong. But the problem was that Red knew Danny, and he saw that that was no ordinary phone call.

“Danny”, he said calmly. “What’s the matter?” Danny didn’t answer, he just stared at the redhead in front of him; eyes still darkened by horror. “Danny”, Red repeated. His voice was calm but firm, and Danny suddenly wanted to tell him everything. Who the old lady was, why she called and how much it all hurt. But he didn't. Instead, he lied.  
“I’m not feeling very well”, Danny said, trying to sound trustworthy. “Going out for a walk.”

“Want me to come with you?”  
“No, thanks. I just need some air.” Red nodded and Danny turned around, heading for the front door.   
“What did the lady say?” Red’s words made Danny freeze in his tracks.   
“Uh. She called the wrong number.” More lies.   
“Alright then.” Red shrugged and walked back into the living room. He knew that something was wrong, but he thought it was better not to put pressure on Danny if he was upset. Red had no idea what the lady might have said, but Danny acted really strange. The tension around his neck and his wide red eyes. But even though he was suspicious, he let Danny go. The brunet quickly started walking again, opened the front door and slammed it shut behind him.

The sun was shining outside and the young pilot felt the rays of sunlight warming his skin. There was a slight breeze that played with his hair, and the sun seemed to almost make it glow. Danny quickly looked around before he started walking down along the road. It was beautiful outside, really wonderful. But Danny didn’t see it. His vision was blurry and it still felt like everything was spinning.

Even though he might have thought that he would be steadier in his feet as soon as he got out of the house, he wavered when he walked. He shook his head in order to get rid of the spinning and it worked a little; it stopped but his vision was still blurry. But he figured that that was just tears.   
Danny walked faster and faster until he eventually started running. He began jogging but he was soon sprinting; his legs bearing him as fast as they could. People looked at him in confusion when he ran past them, but he didn’t see anyone of them.   
All he could see was Rafe; on the station, right before he left, the last time Danny ever saw him. Rafe had looked so excited and proud. Little did he know that he wasn’t going to make it back alive. God. This isn’t happening. The memory burned before his eyes and ached in his heart. Why Rafe? Why?!

Danny ran and ran. He didn’t know how long he’d been running, but in the end his body protested; he couldn’t run forever. Danny’s heart was beating so fast that it physically hurt; he could feel his blood pulsing in his veins at a violent pace. Every heartbeat felt like a punch to the guts and he winced everytime. But he didn’t care, instead he closed his eyes and ignored the pain. It didn’t matter how much it hurt. Everything hurt, and there was nothing he could do but try to cope with the pain. Everything hurt now that Rafe wasn’t there anymore. And Danny didn’t want to stop, it felt so good to run and shut everything out. When he ran, he felt like he didn’t just run. It felt like he left everything behind and just existed. No duties, no missions, no emotions. No grief. Nothing could hurt him, no one could talk to him or remind him of what had happened.

After what felt like hours, the houses started disappearing around him and he was finally alone. He’d been running alongside the coast and stopped on a distant beach, hidden from the road by a couple of trees. It had been a coincidence that he saw it, but now that he had, he jumped off the road and headed right for the white sand. His breathing was heavy when slowed down and walked to the water brow. Danny had never run this fast before and he had never been this exhausted. His heart felt like it was about to explode and his lungs were burning. He tasted blood in his mouth and sweat made his white T-shirt stick to his body.

The young pilot staggered forward, his legs shaking from the run. He didn’t even bother to lift his feet properly, but dragged them through the sand, every step a huge effort. Suddenly he stumbled and fell. He sheltered himself with his hands but his head still hit the ground with a dull thud. The sand found its way into his hair and stuck to his sweaty forehead and strands of hair.  
“God”, he hissed and closed his eyes shut. His head ached from the hit and he lifted his hand and ran it through his hair, checking so that he wasn’t bleeding or anything. Not that it was very likely if he stumbled on the sand, but just to be sure.

Danny forced himself up on his knees and stared at the water in front of him. The waves were moving slow and barely making a sound. The only thing that disrupted the peace in this place was his heavy breathing, otherwise everything was silent. For a moment, he allowed himself to close his eyes and listen to it; the sound of peace and stillness. A sound that he wished so badly that Rafe also could hear, right now, right here. With Danny.

Please, no! He can’t be dead he just can’t!

His feelings started to come back again, even worse now. Danny wondered if he’d fully understood what had happened and if he was ever going to. It was still so unreal; he didn’t know if he believed it, even though he deep down knew it was true.   
He didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Everything was different now and he felt so alone. 

Why did Rafe have to die? He, who had so much left to do. He, who had people who cared for him and waited for him to come home. Danny felt a bitterness form in his heart. It should have been him, not Rafe. Rafe had left so much behind; Helen, Evelyn, his best friend…  
Everything was different now and he felt so alone. Rafe had always been there, always trying to protect him. Now that he was gone, Danny felt like he’d lost a part of himself. Like if he’d lost an arm and still felt how the sun warmed his skin. Rafe was somehow still with him, in his heart, but his head knew it was just a fantasy. How easy everything could have been if Danny could just close his eyes and then see Rafe in front of him when he opened them again. Because it didn’t feel like Rafe was dead. Danny hadn’t seen it or heard it from anyone else and it was still so unreal that he couldn’t believe it.   
Why did Rafe have to die? He, who had so much left to do. He, who had people who cared for him and waited for him to come home. Danny felt a bitterness form in his heart. It should have been him, not Rafe. Danny wasn’t that important. Rafe had left so much behind; Helen, Evelyn, his best friend… 

Danny stood up and pulled both hands through his hair. A silent sob escaped him and he took a deep breath to calm down. “Why, Rafe?” he whispered, his voice small and broken, wounded. “Rafe, please tell me why.” Only the rippling of the waves answered him.   
“Huh. I bet you didn’t even care.” A sudden anger exploded in his chest and his eyes darkened by rage. “If you had, you would’ve stayed. You’d be here, right now. Not on your way home, in a bloody coffin!” Danny spitted the words out as if they were poison, staring at the sky and tears starting to fill his eyes. 

“And you made sure that I was the one to tell Evelyn. For Christ sake, Rafe! How could you even think that I’d be able to do that?” He was silent for a moment before he continued talking.

“You know what you did, huh? You left me, Rafe. You left me! And for what? To fight somebody else’s war. Somebody else’s…" Danny's anger died and all strength in his voice died with it. Once again he was broken. But then, only seconds later, anger burned in his chest again.  
"How dare you? You knew you could end up dead. You fucking knew. And that was just what you did!” Danny stopped and swallowed. Pure rage flowing in his veins instead of blood.  
“You died, Rafe! You fucking died. Fuck you, Rafe. Fuck you!” 

At first, it felt so good to say those things. Danny had finally been able to let his emotions out and speak his mind. But directly after the words had escaped him, he realised what he’d just said. The shame washed over him and he realised that that was not what he actually wanted to say. The chock, grief, frustration and anger - Danny’s mental walls weren’t able to keep it in any longer and he had simply exploded. Or shattered. Shattered probably suited him better, because that was what he actually did. His heart shattered.

“I’m sorry”, he whimpered. “I’m sorry, Rafe. I didn’t mean that.”  
What he really wanted, with all his heart, was to bring Rafe back. God, he wanted him back. The grief struck him harder this time, because now he knew. He knew with both heart and head, that Rafe wasn’t coming back ever again. His legs gave way and he fell hard on his knees. A heartbreaking cry escaped him and he closed his eyes. It felt like someone had just grabbed his heart and violently ripped it out. Taken it and walked away with it, not intending on ever giving it back.

A small voice inside of him told him that it would be alright, that he’d somehow be okay, someday. But Danny didn’t hear it, he only heard the harsh, grinding, much louder voice. It told him that he would never be the same, and Danny made the one thing he shouldn’t have; he believed it in an instant.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red stared at the brunet in front of him. He had never seen Danny like this before and as much as he didn’t want it to, it scared him.

When Danny came back to the barrack, it was dark. The stars were shining above him in the black sky, silent and gloomy, but he didn’t see them - his eyes were locked at the ground. The moon looked down on him in pity and threw a pale light over the environment. Mysterious shadows appeared when the young pilot moved, but he didn’t care. He just walked, one foot after the next. He felt so empty; just like a bottle of wine, empty and forgotten in a dark corner after a party. His soul felt like a dishcloth, worn and twisted, thrown in the trash because no one bothered to wash it. Nothing was familiar anymore, and Danny was trapped in a cold colourless world. Everything had suddenly turned grey and ugly, nothing was beautiful anymore. 

Danny dragged his feet when he walked to the door, his body aching from the run, but also because of the grief. He had experienced grief before; first when his mum died when he was ten and later on when his father passed away. When his mum had died, he never thought that he’d be able to go on - it had hurt so bad. But Danny did, and he later realised that life still had so much left to give him. Life had given him so many teachings and beautiful memories through the years, most of them involved Rafe. 

Even though Danny had thought that nothing would ever hurt more than seeing his mum be lowered into the ground in a coffin, he was now assured that there were things that could. This could. 

Rafe could. 

The pain of losing Rafe was worse than anything else he had ever experienced, and, although he would never admit it, he somewhere within himself doubted that he would survive it. Pain radiated through his body and didn’t spare a single part of him. His bones, his eyes, his heart, his hands… all of it ached. The pain couldn’t be described, because it couldn’t be understood by someone who didn’t feel it. It didn’t matter if Danny would try to talk to Red or Gooz, they would never understand. They wouldn’t understand his pain, because they would never be able to understand what Danny and Rafe had had. They were brothers, maybe even more. Souls connected with a bond stronger than anything else.  
Rafe was Danny’s other half, and now that Rafe was gone, Danny was no longer whole. He was broken in half, like a car or toy or anything you can’t buy new spare parts to. Broken and irreparable. The only thing he was still capable of was being discarded. 

Rafe had been there Danny’s whole life, and they had been inseparable. Even though they had different parents, they were brothers. And Danny had once thought that nothing could ever change that. How naive he had been…  
If this, present Danny, would have met the young and naive boy that he once was, the older him would have looked at his younger self with hatred and disgust. How pathetic he had been, living a daydream. A fantasy. How could he believe that life would ever have pity on him, when it didn’t spare anyone else?

The door opened with a small squeak and Danny slipped quietly inside. He hoped that no one of his friends were still up, because he really didn’t want to face anyone right now. Danny had thought a lot about war through the years. He was twenty one when the war began, but his whole life had always somehow revolved around war and its consequences. His father had fought the Germans during the First World War, and the strange scent of war had never left him. His fear and nightmares, the sudden rages. 

And the violence. 

Danny didn’t know if his father had been someone else before the war, but sometimes he had daydreamed about it. Had he been kind? Had his eyes shone with life? Had he been more like Rafe’s father?  
A weak smile appeared on his lips when he remembered how Rafe’s father had used to take him and Rafe out on trips and tell them about all kinds of aeroplanes. Danny’s father wasn’t like that at all. Well, he was kind and he gave Danny hugs, sometimes. But Rafe’s father was always kind-hearted and never thought of Danny as a burden, even if Danny - now when knowing a lot better - knew that he was quite annoying from time to time. It still amazed Danny, how someone could be so kind, when he wasn’t perfect all the time. 

Danny had vague memories from one time when he was beaten by his father before his mum died. He remembered his mum’s devastated face when she saw the bruises on his skin, and how she had tried her best to fight back tears, only to be strong for him. She had been furious, and his father hadn’t been the same for almost three days. Then he had gotten down on his knees, looked Danny in the eyes and told him that it was never going to happen again. And it actually didn’t, at least not as long as Danny’s mother was alive. 

But when she suddenly died, short after Danny’s tenth birthday, his father began to lose his grip of the world. Danny got used to being beaten periodically, and he learned when to hide and when to be there to comfort his father. It was a strange and terrible relationship, but also beautiful. Because even though Danny still had scars from thrown bottles and couldn’t stand the sound of snapping leather, he knew that his father had loved him, more than his father had ever loved himself. 

There had been times when Danny highly doubted it, but today, Danny knew that his father never actually meant to hurt him. Not once. It just happened. And somehow Danny maybe thought that he understood. Danny didn’t trust himself at all right now. He felt like he could do anything, and it wouldn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore. Not when Rafe was gone.

Maybe that was how his father had felt? If he was hurting, there was no reason for others to be happy. Everyone should know that he was hurting, and everyone should be hurting just as bad as he was. 

Once again, rage blossomed in his chest, fiery and hot, and Danny had to make an effort not to slam the door shut behind him. Why was this immense pain only his to bear? Danny’s world had crashed along with Rafe.

Rafe had taken heaven with him and left hell behind. 

It was all wrong, so very wrong. Why did Rafe have to crash when there were so many planes that could take his place?  
Danny knew that Rafe would hate him for thinking like this - Rafe would never in his life allow anyone to take his place if it meant that the person would get hurt instead.  
Rage was quickly replaced by shame, and Danny covered his face with his hands. He could feel his hot cheeks beneath his fingers when he let them slide down along his face, and then fall down to his hips. This time, he was grateful for the darkness enclosing him; no one could see him. 

Not even Danny wanted to see himself like this. Brown hair in a mess, red rimmed eyes, sweaty and upset. Tired eyes flickered back and forth between walls and floors, unable to find any safety or rest. He was a wreck.

“You - you okay?”  
Danny gasped and jumped to the side, turned around in a flash. Right beside him was Red, his pale face glowed mysteriously in the darkness.  
“God!” Danny exclaimed, his voice much louder than he intended. “Fuck, you. Why did you do that? God…” Shaking hands ran through dark hair.  
“Uhm”, Red said. “You’ve been gone five hours, Danny.”

“Shit”, he breathed. “You sure?”

“Dead sure.”

Danny swallowed and twisted his hands anxiously. Slowly but steadily, panic crawled up along his spine. What was he supposed to do? Should he tell Red or should he stay silent? As much as his heart begged him to tell Red everything , his mind told him to stay silent, so he did. 

“Ehm… You know what”, Danny said and swallowed. “It’s been a really long day, and I just wanna to bed right now.”  
“Sure- sure thing, Danny. But- but just so you know, I- I’m always here if you want to ta- talk.”

“Thanks”, he answered. “But now’s really not the time…”  
“I no- noticed that you acted a- a little strange earlier, and I just…”  
“Can we please take this in the morning?” Danny looked at Red with pleading eyes. He was exhausted, ran on fumes; it wouldn’t be long before he lost it. If Red didn’t listen to him know, Danny was afraid he’d snap, explode even. And Red didn’t deserve that, he was just trying to be a good friend.  
It took all the willpower Danny had left to keep him from snapping. Because now, Red’s mere existence made Danny want to rip the redhead to pieces. 

First, Red looked confusedly at his friend, but then he sighed and nodded. “Of course”, he said and patted Danny’s shoulder lightly. The brunet sighed in relief. 

Red walked past him but turned suddenly around. “Who was it that called you?” 

“Please, Red…” Danny closed his eyes and lowered his head, still with his back facing his friend. 

“I’ve never seen you like that before.”

“Just shut up!” How one could create so much pain and hostility from a whisper was a mystery.  
Danny turned around in an instant. He snapped. He’d tried not to, but this was just too much. He couldn’t resist it anymore.  
He gave in. 

“But- but I…”

“I don’t care!” Danny’s words cut their way through the air like a bullet. “I don’t want to talk about it, not now, not ever, alright?”

“Danny, I- I’m so- sorry I…”

“Don’t you get it?” Danny’s whisper was high pitched. He ran his shaking hands through his hair in despair. “You can’t fix everything! Your advice can’t help me.” A sob escaped him. “Some things can’t be fixed. Not by you, not by me, not by anyone. Just go, leave. Leave me. Leave me alone.”

Red looked at him with wide eyes. Something was clearly wrong with his friend. Something had, indeed, happened during that phone call. “Hey, Danny…” he began. 

“Just do as I say! For God’s sake - just go! There’s nothing you can do. There’s nothing you can do…” The last sentence was barely hearable. Danny’s voice was trembling. 

Red stared at the brunet in front of him. He had never seen Danny like this before and as much as he didn’t want it to, it scared him. If something could’ve done this to Danny; one of the calmest and bravest and most confident souls he ever knew; then it would not spare him. If Danny was broken - because of what Red could tell, Danny was - then Red and the others were next.  
He looked at Danny with pity and fear. Speechless, he stood there, watching. He didn’t know what that phone call had been about, and his mind started coming up with all kinds of answeres. But there was only one that could have broken Danny, only one thing that could have destroyed him. 

Rafe. 

Red couldn’t be sure, but if it was what he feared, then he had to figure out how to support Danny as best as he could. He knew that without help, Danny wouldn’t make it. 

Danny let out an unsteady breath and lowered his gaze; stared wide eyed into thin air.  
His cheeks suddenly turned red and for a second, he met Red’s concerned gaze.  
“I’m sorry”, the brunet whispered, as he quickly walked past Red. 

A couple of minutes later Danny was lying in his bed; open eyes locked at the ceiling. He didn’t want to close them- every time he did, he saw Rafe.  
At times, they had crossed his mind; the questions everyone feared but never dared to ask out loud. Everyone died, that was life, rules of nature. But who was first? Who would be the last? Who would greet death with open arms and who would dread the last moments until they were finally gone? 

When growing up, Danny had constantly been reminded of his mortality through beatings and bruises.  
Sometimes, he’d thought about death. What was it like? And then the question he dreaded had crossed his mind; who would be the first? Rafe or him? As soon as the thought popped up in his mind, Danny pushed it away. One time, he’d faced it, and he had never felt more scared. He could take a hundred thrown bottles and not care, but this…  
That night he’d prayed, with cheeks hot of shame. It was the most selfish thought that had ever crossed his mind. And yet there he was, praying for himself and not for others. 

God, please let me die first. 

I beg you.

But it seemed like God hadn’t listened. Because here Danny was, left behind. 

And once again, his heart shattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, school's just been very tough.. Be patient, more chapters are coming - it's not a dead story!  
> Anyway, thanks so much for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I noticed there are awfully few Pearl Harbor fanfics out there, so here's my contribution. Hope you liked it.  
> Please comment; all constructive criticism welcome!


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